I just wanted a video game, not eternal damnation in hell!!!!!!!
So I was sitting around the other day, playing "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas," on my PC, when suddenly I received an email with an attachment. "Hot Coffee Mod?" I thought to myself. "What is that all about?" I was curious so I did what I always do when I get programs from strangers on my PC: I ran it. Then I went back to playing the game and didn't notice anything different, except for when I took my in-game girlfriend back home, she now asks "how about a little coffee?" Naturally I got excited, because I was expecting to see a scene with the protagonist, Carl, and his girlfriend, Denise, sipping a tall cup of Extra strong, double caffeine Coffee, and discussing the finer points of globalization and how cultural distinction will shape future generations. Instead, I was shocked to learn that Denise wasn't talking about a delicious beverage made from roasted beans, collected by children on a penny a day slave labour from the Brazillian mountains. No, they were really talking about was SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I thought there was some mistake, this couldn't be the family-friendly carjacking game I thought I knew. Maybe Denise changed into an outfit that just happened to look like the bust of a naked woman. I watched the scene over and over again, carefully analyzing every pixel, but the conclusion was inescapable: Denise was in fact naked!!!!! Or at least had a skin colored texture applied to the surface area primitive of her character's model. The creator of the game, Rockstar Games, has stated that it will offer a downloadable patch to fix the sex issue in the PC versions, and is working on a new version of the game that will prevent this content from being unlocked in the future. THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I'll be the first person to download and patch my PC version of "Grand Theft Auto." I want to shoot people in the face at point blank range, bang prostitutes pay them then run them over, traffic drugs and sell them at the nearest school, steal cars and terrorize police officers without this filthy smut in my game. Frankly, I'm appalled that Rockstar would allow such wholesale corruption of our youth. Years from now when Portugal has become a withered husk of the morality it once stood for, historians will look back at what triggered it all and point to one event: a boolean variable that unlocked a simulated sex scene in a video game. Rockstar sort it out!!!!!!
