Family Guy

If anyone out there in the real world ever watches the Simpsons, then you must have watched at least one episode of the Family Guy. It is probably one of the most hilarious programmes around and if you don't want to take my word for it then read on to some of Stewies quotes...

Quotes from Stewie Griffin of Family Guy. You may find these Family Guy quotes really funny. Or downright sacrilegious. Be warned about these Family Guy quotes. Stewie Griffin is not your stereotypical baby. In fact, of all the Family Guy quotes, Stewie Griffin's quotes can be quite shocking for most people!!!

Stewie to his mother (Lois):
"Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb!"

"The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

Stewie to ice cream man:
"No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you."

Stewie: [To ticket agent]
"Now look here...[looks at agent's name tag] Stewie: Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES."

Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"]
"Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers."

"Isn't it funny how they say "life is like a box of chocolates"? Well in your case, dear mother, life is like a box of active grenades!"

"Oh, forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials."

Stewie [while his dad (Peter) is changing Stewie] "No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhh! Take that."

"Stewie, come complete our rainbow. Stewie to baby sitter: "I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

"Oh I feel so delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet."

"Hi. Cookie?" Stewie to friend: Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." "Snake Griffin."

Stewie: [Picking up the phone.] "Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,[dialing number]Stewie: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113..."

Stewie to Butlers. "You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, fight to the death."

Stewie: Hmm, time for dessert. Let's see - big chocolate cake for Stewie,[holds up a leaf to Chris his brother ]Stewie: and something very tasty for big, fat you."

Waitress: "Here you go, fella. From Flappy himself.Stewie: I don't care if they...[Stewie is force-fed a bite of pancakes]Stewie: Oh... oh these are delectable. Hey, Flappy. Good news. I've decided not to kill you."

[during a smoking conference]Stewie: "Baby needs to suck ash. Baby needs to suck ash. Not ass, you pervert. Save it for the interns."

"Cut my eggs." Butler: [cuts eggs] Your eggs are cut sir. Stewie: "Cut my milk!" Butler: I can’t sir, it’s liquid. Stewie: "Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again I’ll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won’t make it easy for you."

[watching cheerleaders change in a locker room]Stewie: It appears my wee-wee's been stricken with rigor mortis."

"Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here."

" I say mother, this hotdog has been on my plate a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself."

"I love God. He's so deliciously evil."

[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]Stewie: Careful. It's 'gently rub the scalp', not 'scrub like you're trying to get the vomit out of a Christmas dress', you stupid holiday drunk.

[While trying to potty-train Stewie]Peter: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.

" Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn." Peter (Stewies dad) : "Rea...Really?"

"What the duece are you staring at? It's tunafish. And nothing else."

"Victory is mine!" (footstep sounds)(explosion) "Ahh! Blast you all!"

Lois: "Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?" Stewie: "Why don't you fry in Hades!?" Lois: Well! No dessert for you young man!"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Excellent, the weather machine is nearly completed. What do you say to that broccoli? STOP MOCKING ME!"

After being asked by Ernie from Sesame Street if he can count to 3, Stewie replies, "Oh, indeed I can! One! Two! Three! (Laser shots). Can I count to three? For God's sakes! I'm already shooting at a 5th grade level!"

"Oh blast you and your estrigenical treachery!"

"I offer you one last chance for deliverance! Return my mind control device...or be destroyed!"

Stewie: "But of course! That was my victory day! The fruition of my deeply delayed plans to escape from the cursed ovarian bastille! Return the device woman!" Lois: "No toys, Stewie!" Stewie: "Very well then! Mark my words! When you least expect it, your uppance will come!"

Stewie: "Well well mother! (dun dun dun!) We meet again!" Lois: "Stewie? I thought I tucked you in an hour ago!" Stewie: "Not tightly enough as it seems! Now, you contemptable harpy, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny!"

Stewie to the broccoli: "Forcast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of DOOM!"

"I say! Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?"

"Blast you! You're one of them aren't you? What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want! Money! Women! Men?!"

"There, I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now?"

"The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture and I don't think you've got the grapes!"

"You will bow to me!"

Lois: "Bye bye Stewie! Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight!" Stewie: "Burn in hell!"

"Oh! Enough! The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours!"

"No it's not alright! For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!"

"(drunk) Hello mother! Care to partake in one of your oh-so-exhilarating games of peek-a-boo?"
"Ah! Put me down you problemagean(?) blunderbuss!"

"Silence you contemptable shrew!"

"Hows about shutting the hell up!"

"Silence! Ever since you two met you've done nothing but wax idiotic!"

Happy Birthday to me

happy Birthday to me!!!! Yeah well another year that I feel no change what so ever and a waste of a perfectly good day answering the telephone to the whole family!!! Never mind eh??

Life sucks!

"You shit!! This was my last clean shirt," an annoyed friend complained. So far today he had been bitten, puked on, and now bled on mostly by yours truly. Yes that's right, I'm back to my usual accident prone ways!!!! It's not as if I do it on purpose. It's just me and for those of you that have known me for a while, well you know what I'm like!!!!
"Have you no mercy? No shame?" My friend continued screaming. Joe had asked me to help him move to his new flat down the road but we had problems from the word go... His new place was three storeys up and with building regulations in this country stating that you don't need a lift, well we were pretty pissed off after ten minutes. Joe and I had been running up and down all day when it all happened within a space of five minutes. It was 6pm and we hadn't even stopped for lunch.
"Look at me you bastard!" He shouted and pointed at the state of his shirt as I lay in a prone position two flights down. But before I continue, let me go back to the begining again...
So everything was running at a steady pace, with chest of drawers, bed and most of the bedroom cabinets in his new flat. The problems started when we moved onto his sofa... We were half way up and past the second floor, which had a dodgy bend, and almost on the home straight when a neighbour decides to come out of his apartment to walk the dog. Now don't get me wrong I love dogs, but this one was a little shit!!! He ran for Joes legs, which were the closest to him and started to gnaw and I mean gnaw... Not bite but gnaw!!! Joe was kicking and screaming like a twelve year old school girl in a blender, by this time but the dog never let go. The owner tried desperately to control him, but everytime he pulled on the leash, the bloody thing became more tangled around his legs.. Oh, oh and I was trying to balance the bloody sofa from the other side while Joe thrashed about like a killer whale with a seal pup. Now there I am, being thrown about left and right, the sofa banging into my empty stomach and the bile tickling my throat when I couldn't handle it any longer. Seconds later I puked and violently!! I don't mean like when you feel a little unwell and a trickle of bile slips across your gums, but it all shot out of my mouth like a cannon. It flew straight over the lush green velor sofa and splattered like a paintball bullet over his clean shirt... Everything stopped like the matrix and even the dog ceased its attack and ran back in.
"Thanks mate!" Was all Joe could say, as he looked down at the mess. Half an hour of wiping it off and apologies, we finally continued our task. Joe hobbled and looked more and more nautious evertime his nostrils picked up the scent from his shirt. Anyway we continued on our way, trying to rush as much of it as possible, when the worst happened. I had just come out of his flat and was heading downstairs to get more bin liners of clothes when I tripped on nothing. I jogged over a few steps to regain my balance, but continued on a downward spiral. My face hit the dodgy corner by the second floor, and lost my trainer in the process. I was lying on my back on the second landing with my Joe who had followed me all the way down, bent over looking down at me.
"Fuck bro! That was mad!" He giggled as he struggled to lift my bruised body. Bloody corner!!, bloody shoe!!, bloody third floor!!!! Oh and if you think that was not bad enough!!! I truly am the most accident prone person, 'cos as soon as Joe got me up, I felt dizzy and lost my balance as I tried to comprehend why my left foot could feel the cold stone floors of the stairs, my body tipped itself sideways and I fell again pulling Joe with me!!! So there I was, with Joe laying next to me at the bottom of the ground floor, laying on boxes of Joes books. I saw my life flashing before me as I tumbled with Joe screaming in my ear, calling out for his mother, the Virgin Mary and Dear Blessed God! And in the end all I got was...
"You shit!! This was my last clean shirt," My back is seriously hurting and I think I bust my tailbone 'cos it feels like I've forgotten to walk in a straight line!!!! I kind of shimmy sideways!! I can't bend over, not even to tie my shoelace and my neck is in a brace that makes me look like one of the Addams family. I also had Joes entire golf club collection follow me down and crash into my face, giving me a black eye and another chipped tooth. Nice, nice. Not to mention the golf balls that crashed into my throat, smashing into my addams apple. I coughed for ages as I couldn't talk or breath! Oh and to top it all off, Joe got off with a dog bite and a bruised toe. Not one golf club or ball hit him.

Life really does suck!!!

Pic 1 and Intro...

And the crowd goes wild.... (the 5th infantry calling the invaders mothers for a sleep over...)

Had another reenactment battle over the weekend that I had promised to report on. Here are four pictures of the days event with the battle report at the end under the title 'Come on you Bastards!'... enjoy!!

Pic 2

The last few minutes of battle before the cavalry counter attack, winning the day!!!

Pic 3

The last soldier remaining from the 3rd light infantry is slaughtered by the Spanish attack.

Pic 4

The last of the 5th stand and fight as the sun rises...

Come on you Bastards!!!

A cold wind blew across the Portuguese camp picking up the dust in its path. It was still summer in the plains but this close to the border, winter always seemed to be at hand. The distant snow clad peaks of the mountain ranges spewed forth cold winds from time to time, as if forewarning about the pending winter chills now less than four months away. Close to the officers tents the camp grounds were deserted save for the lone figure walking towards them from the church. Wrapping myself in a blanket to ward off the evening chills, I the newly appointed commander of the 5th infantry, strode towards the command hut. I had just offered the last prayers for the night with my brethren and I was finally free to return to my tent. A closer look at my face would have revealed the dark eyes which were gazing at something miles away. My face was mottled with half a dozen stitched cuts and scratches which told the tale of several years spent in the Lusitanian ranks. What one would not have observed were the scars on my back, a hundred cuts intermixing, giving my skin the appearance of a badly woven carpet. I had been a trifle late to wrap the blanket across myself, when I emerged out of the church, and the caress of the cool wind through my cotton shirt, set fire to my memories. Two years had passed since I had taken the hundred lashes for desertion and two years that I had struggled to prove myself worthy to my King. Now the pain was just a distant memory, finally with my own command, the King himself had sent me to the pass defending the entry to Portugal. The pass the soldiers called Suicide Valley...
3:00 a.m.
The alarm bells rang out from the eastern side of our camp. The Spanish had arrived on time just before the winter winds. Under the direct command of General Francisco, most of our troops managed to awaken and man the walls before the enemy arrived. Night arrows surprised our slumbering men as twenty fell in one foul swoop. The Spanish had managed to gain control of the main gate, with a cunning night raid that even surprised me. Now with the heavy gates slowly opening, the screams of a hundred Spanish foot could be heard through the darkness. Our campfires illuminated the darkness, but only in patches which didn't serve us at all. More arrows arrived, piercing through more armour as more troops fell. The suddenness of the enemy manoeuvre threw our General into confusion as he ran from one side to the other barking orders that no-one could make sense of. Devoid of any useful orders, I called my troops into line facing the main gate and slowly advanced into the shadows. My decision to attack caused a chain of events stretching all the way back to the enemy king. Less than twenty troops of the 5th fought on bravely attacking the enemy when they thought we were beaten.
The dust from the camp rose with the rising sun. The light of the day revealing the real extent of the attack. To the enemies surprise we had fought on and although many Lusitanian soldiers had fallen, many still stood and fought in circular clumps around the camp. Our cavalry units, which we had all forgotten about, gave a whoop of joy for the first time in their lives they had finally routed a mighty foe on our right flank. They lined up their horse in perfect military fashion and prepared to charge again. The sight of the Portuguese cavalry still intact and cutting down their comrades was a huge moral boost for our troops and we watched as the enemy panicked and retreated in order from the field.
Although I hate to admit it, the cavalry regiments had just saved the day and thanks to that we will have to hear their boasts for the next few weeks...

Quick Update

I know, I know... Not been blogging for a while, and you all missed me right? RIGHT?????? Lol.. Not been upto much apart from the usual. Had a great battle over the weekend and I will give you a report on it. Football again tomorrow, another tough game... Should be good!! Anyway laters.

Joke of the day...

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."

Chuck Norris

Only Chuck...

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF THE CHUCK!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris was known to eat 3 meals a day!.... well he was pretty normal when it came to eating, his meals consisted of aborted fetuses and female goats milk
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris believes what goes around comes a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
You can't squeeze blood from a stone... but Chuck can.
Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.
Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy and a Whole Shitload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris is the reason the participants of the Special Olympics are special.
The reason there has been so many different Batman's is because Chuck Norris kept killing them off.
When Chuck Norris is smiling, he just killed your dad.
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
Chuck Norris sank the Titanic with a slow-motion roundhouse kick because Chuck Norris can't stand that Celine Dion song.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Much like the sun, Chuck Norris will cause blindness if looked at for prolonged periods of time.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
The only reason the American military forces are still needed in Iraq is because Chuck Norris is not in the American military forces.
Chuck Norris can take a dump while standing.
The world population divides into two groups, those who fear Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds...

sent in by Piero plus extra content...

You know your Portuguese if...

You know you're Portuguese if...
1. Your mother's name is Maria something.
2. Christmas Eve is much more important than Christmas.
3. Several people in your family are named Joao, Jose, Manuel or Antonio
4. Your mother either cleans houses, babysits, or works in a factory.
5, Your father is...yup...you guessed it...a construction worker...wait no...maybe a carpenter or a fisherman...
6. Your house is fully equipped with two stoves...(one is in the kitchen downstairs, which your uncle, father, and/or grandpa built).
7. You earned over £10,000 for your first communion.
8. The hell with the Turkey and Roast Beef!! Christmas dinner was Salted Whole Cod, baby!
9. A barbeque does not consist of Burgers on the grill...Hello! can u say sardines????
10. Your parents own nine houses in Portugal, but complain about "the lack of money" and "times are hard" when they work abroad earning 5 times more than in Portugal!!!
11. You've had your license for a month, but your £20,000 car has been "hooked up" for a year. I'm talking Rims, tints, a system...
12. A wooden spoon = discipline.
13. Your parents anticipate that you marry your first long-term boyfriend/girlfriend.
14. You over tweeze (or shave) your eyebrows...(this applies to both males and females)
15. You try and do the "messy backstreet boy haircut style thing," but you just end up looking like every other "immigrant".
16. Your anthem this summer was "Zombie Nation"
17. Every woman cleans the house on Saturday.
18. When you hear the word "Sagres" you think Beer, not historical marine school.
19. Someone in your family plays the accordion.
20. Going to Portugal involves buying gifts for every person in your 100 member family.
21. "Peneleiro" is definitely NOT a pot-maker.
22. Nuthin' beats a buttered Portuguese roll!!!
23. You've got that annoying "P" on the corner of your windscreen ,as if we didn't know you were an immigrant already by the huge car (usually a BMW or Merc!) that you brought back to Portugal, on your summer holidays, to show off to your friends and family)
24.Your weekends as a kid consisted of going to Portuguese school, going to church, watching some religious parade and going to see your grandparents.
Viva Portugal!!!

Probably the funniest story and pictures in a long while!!

Sent in by Carl.

"My sister-in law is from Oklahoma and has a slight accent. She has cats and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the fur hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets matted or snarled). When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what a line cut was and he said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was returned to her. She cried for a week...but not as much as the cat."

Deputy Dog!!

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition. £1000 pounds or best offer.
Reason for sale:-
No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

-----------------------

I am the voice unside your head
I am the lover in your bed
I am the sex that you provide
I am the hate you try to hide
and I control you...


You love it!!!

Pic of the Day

Found this pic... Laughed out loud... Enough said...

New Drinks, Old News

Red Bull Energy Drink
It's bad enough that the average teenager is already jacked up on a mixture of Cola, Aspirin, Mountain Dew Code Red and prescription Ritalin - do they really need this too?????? For those who don't read labels, Red Bull contains 8.3 ounces of Taurine, Glucuronolactone, Caffeine and B Vitamins - in other words, enough chemicals to send an Indian elephant trampling through a petting zoo with a hard on and a glint in his eye!!! Not to be confused with clubbers who enjoy Red Bull mixed with Vodka or Champagne. The average chick with a pierced belly button and remedial text-messaging proficiency is no stranger to this brew. But what they don't know, is that the misture of Alcohol and Red Bull is enough to send your heart on overdrive. Pumping faster than it has ever had to, while the Alcohol relaxes your brain making it ignore the fact that the pounding noice coming from your chest can be heard from the entire nightclub!!!! (Oh and you thought you were just paranoid???)

Pepsi Blue: Berry Cola Fusion
After trying Mountain Dew Code Red and Vanilla Coke, I had to try Pepsi Blue. Was I hoping for a beverage trifecta of great tastes, a hat-trick of liquid refreshment? No, I'm a masochist. After taking one sip of Pepsi Blue my immediate reaction was to drop the bottle on my desk and exclaim: "What the fuck!" I was shocked - Pepsi Blue is the freakiest tasting substance since my last fluoride treatment at the dentist. Those dentists and oral hygienists - they tell you it's berry flavour (as in a fruit), but it's not - It kind of reminds me of an off tasting old Macky D's root beer. The Pepsi Blue Web site reads: "Prepare yourself for the tricked-up taste of Pepsi Blue". I can think of a phrase that rhymes with "tricked-up" that is a more appropriate description of the Pepsi Blue taste experience - here's a hint: it starts with "F."
My question is: just what kind of berry should make me think I've just ingested something so freaky and unearthly that I immediately started typing out my Last Will and Testament? It's no berry I've ever encountered before and it's certainly not a blueberry. I know what a blueberry tastes like and it's sho 'nuff not Pepsi Blue. You know what I think? Pepsi Blue is "blue" flavored - there's no berry or cola involved. Some scientist, possibly an evil German scientist living in exile in Argentina, figured out the flavour of the colour blue, Pepsi put that flavour in a bottle and sold it to me.
I can think of another "blue" liquid known for it's "blue" colour and unique taste: Prussic Acid, a.k.a. Cyanide. Foolishly, I finished the entire bottle of sticky, sweet, electric-blue liquid. I wouldn't tell you not to drink it, especially if you're fond of trips to the dentist, but I don't think I'll every drink it again. What's the best thing about Pepsi Blue? The all too appropriate heavy metal styled Pepsi Blue logo. P.S. This stuff sticks to your fingers like you would never believe!!! It kind of reminds me of a cross between velcro and toxic waste!!!

Vanilla Coke
Apparently, after some discussion with some old people, Vanilla Coke is nothing new. Back in the day - make that way back in the day, you know, before plumbing and all that shite about the 'good ol days' - Coca Cola contained actual cocaine and it came out of things called "fountains," dudes named "soda jerks" (yep, that's right Bevis, "jerks") would combine all kinds of flavours with Coke - sometimes cherry and definitely Vanilla. "Old wine, new bottles", sure, but it's more like old, brown tooth-rotting chemicals, new 20oz plastic bottles.
The glutton for punishment I am, I purchased the new Vanilla Coke, drank it and came to this conclusion: it tastes like watered-down cream soda. Yes, that's right, cream soda - that crap with the unfortunate name that makes teenagers giggle, costs 50 pence a can, and seems to only exist at family picnics where you have to dig though a garbage barrel full of ice to get one and you know that only 7 hours ago that barrel was filled with garbage. But now it's filled with 50 pence cans of grape, orange, ginger-ale and cream soda.
What's my point? Vanilla Coke is nothing new. If you enjoy cream soda and need that brand name to go with it, Vanilla Coke is for you!!!

Mountain Dew Code Red
Mountain Dew Code Red has been around for a while now (Aparently as their web page suggests) - long enough to have an actual computer virus named after it - but, I'm going to review it, as it's the first in this new wave of unnaturally favoured and coloured caffeine drinks for me.
Code Red is the most sickeningly sweet and syrupy beverage I have ever tasted - unless you consider maple syrup to be a beverage. So sweet, that I could actually hear the bacteria building tiny plaque cities on my teeth and tongue, creating empires and starting wars.... Yes folks, soda doesn't get any grosser than Code Red. And how about that flavour??? Code Red. Remember when soda flavours were at least named after actual naturally occurring plant parts, like grape, or orange, or cola, or coke, or ginger? What kind of plants do Code Reds grow on? Plants from Hell? Plants from Mars? Should I be comforted by the fact that soda corporations are no longer lying about the flavours of their sodas and they've started to name their products honestly? Now, I'm scared shitless. What's next in this corporate trend of honesty: is Kraft going to start marketing "Yellow Squares" instead of "Cheese?"
Drink Mountain Dew Code Red at your own risk while wearing a helmet and strapped to the snowboard of your choice, dude. Original Mountain Dew was fine: it's crisp and refreshing and best of all caffeinated - the world didn't need a new flavour.

Sporting the Great!!!

Another win for Sporting after a tough battle against another great team. 1 - 0 was the end result. Thank you again, God!

Funniest rant so far!!

This is one of the funniest rants I have heard so far....

Scumsucking pigdog RCOB weekend.

Okay, you fuckweasels, I've had ENOUGH!!! I PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT ALL WEEKEND, and I'm DONE!
You- with the Camry- WHEN you backed your car out of the driveway YOU KNEW there was over a foot of snow on the ground. You drove as if the tires caused you actual pain when they slipped, you NEVER GOT THE VEHICLE OVER 8 MILES AN HOUR FOR SIX MILES. Do the math on that one, fuckhead. I HAD TO FOLLOW YOU for FORTY FIVE MINUTES. You STAYED in the MIDDLE OF TWO LANES so NOBODY COULD PULL AROUND YOU.
Here's a little clue for you, OK? when there is a CLEAR ROAD ahead of you, DEVOID OF CARS, and there is a SIX MILE LINE OF CARS BEHIND YOU, you are a FUCKHEAD. You CANNOT DRIVE. you should SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT and SAVE US THE TROUBLE.
Oh, and Mister Geo Metro? YOU CHOSE TO DRIVE ON A DAY WHEN THE AVERAGE SNOW DRIFT IS TALLER THAN YOUR CAR. Your pathetic three cylinder MoonbatMobile is NOT GONNA MAKE IT to the HEALTH FOOD STORE! Pull off the SIDE of the ROAD and SMOKE THAT HEMP JACKET you're wearing, and GET OUT OF EVERYONE"S WAY. Yes, you ARE going to get stuck JUST LIKE THAT every five minutes. You are NOT going to be able to negotiate the 12" tall drifts because your TIRES arent that tall. Yes, you've had to be PUSHED OUT OF EVERY SNOWFLAKE you have encountered, and THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE TILL SPRING. Stay HOME!!! You can PROBABLY survive intil spring on the ""KERRY EDWARDS" stickers if you peel them off every surface to which they are applied. FOAD!
Now, the amateurs: Yes, you know who the fuck you are. You have LIVED IN THIS CLIMATE FOR FIFTY FUCKING YEARS, YOU ASSHELMETS! You FORGET HOW TO DRIVE IN SNOW EVERY FUCKING WINTER. Take some Gingko Biloba and MOVE AWAY FROM ME, preferably at LEAST 900 miles.
Oh, and you. Mrs Lexus SUV. Let me clue you into something, OK? A Lexus is NOT an SUV. It's a large chrome and plastic ego. You didn't buy it because you needed an SUV, you bought it because you could. Bully for you! Before you take to the streets with that LeBehemoth, Learn to drive it. Four wheel drive does not mean immunity to the laws of physics. The REASON YOU ARE ON YOUR SIDE IN A DITCH is your OWN STUPIDITY. Pound sand. Next time put it over an embankment so you don't survive to fuckup anyone else's day.
All in all, it makes me wonder: WHY CAN'T I MOUNT AUTOMATIC WEAPONS ON MY TRUCK?
All credit to Og, the Neanderpundit for his rant!