To understand, or not to understand... That is the question. yabba, yabba, yabba.......
Anyway to get a jist of what I´m talking about here you´ve got to start reading from the post:
"Just Plain Lunacy" (About two posts down) and then work your way upwards... I know, I´m mad!!!!!
3. Invent a crazy dance routine, pick a suitable song to accompany it. (Alien Ant Farm’s version of ‘Smooth Criminal’, for instance.)
Now whenever that particular song comes on, you and your friends must dance to it, no matter where you are, what the occasion, and regardless of whether you are drunk or not. This will get you instant recognition and respect wherever you go. Be mindful of your chosen routine though – a dance that consists of frantic wiping of limbs accompanied by the words
“NOT GAY! NOT GAY!” will not go down very well in the local gay bar…
4. The use of inflatable individuals is quite common amongst those partaking in a stag/hen night or similar. But they can be used for insane purposes also. The main thing to remember is that your blow-up friend is more effective if there is no particular reason for him/her to be there. An inflatable Spiderman with a wig, short skirt and fishnet tights, or a Gothed-up sex doll, for example, will cause a lot of interest for some reason - especially if you treat them as if they are ‘just one of the guys’.
Buy them drinks, chat with them, take them for a good mosh to Rammstein on the dance-floor and generally make them feel loved.
Remember: plastic people have feelings too.
If anyone asks “What’s the occasion?” or wonders why you have brought a blow-up doll with you, your response should be:
“Why shouldn’t he come out with us – he’s our friend!”(Note: Take good care of your artificial companion! Jealous people with cigarettes can be a hazard. And be courteous – it is always polite to inform your friend about your wish to deflate him before you do so.)
5. Try to make a visit to your local pub more interesting by swapping personalities with one of your friends for the night. People you know will take a while to work out what is going on – watch their confused expressions and laugh at them as if they were idiots.
6. After a night out, it is customary for ordinary members of the public to become loud and obtrusive. And as a rule, people on an insanity trip will often get made fun of for being, well … insane. Respond appropriately: If you are sober enough to think of something crazy to say that will make them think twice about messing with your ‘homies’, then say it! It’s your right to be a nut-case!If, however, you are too inebriated to walk or see, the blowing of a raspberry in their general direction will suffice. There is no ‘clever’ answer to “Tttthhhhhrrrrrrrruuuuppppppppp!!!!”
7. You may wish perhaps to indulge in your own drunken stupidity at the end of a piss-up. This is OK, only if you accept the fact that people will put your insane acts down to you being wasted. For instance, the thievery of a Macdonalds uniform from a washing line is only made insane if you put it on over your clothes in the middle of town and proceed to scream:
“DO YOU WANT SOME FUCKING CHIPS WITH THAT??” at passers by.
Remember to be creative – for a practice run, try dancing around a traffic cone or lamp-post with your friends, holding hands and singing: “Sometimes I think you’re straight!Sometimes I think you’re gay!Sometimes I think you’re bisexual – I change my mind every day!”
8. Meals at restaurants can be made much more interesting, and more value for money, if you make use of the leftover food. One way of achieving this is to create a scene from your favourite film. If, for instance, you choose the popular Lord of the Rings Trilogy, please note that roast dinners make a good reconstruction of Middle Earth. However the size of such a production will require donations from other peoples’ leftovers. Remember, it is unlikely that you will be able to outdo the special effects of the film itself, but try to be realistic as you can - Peas make amazingly accurate Hobbits, whilst the character of Gandalf the Grey would be much better suited to a gravy covered parsnip. If you have time, you may wish to animate certain aspects of your finished masterpiece. Be mindful of other eaters if you choose to bring any ‘flying’ creatures to life…
9. Cinemas are also a convenient source of fun for the sanity-deficient. All those people watching …watching …WATCHING!! It is usually not permitted for customers to bring their bags, or own food into the screen with them. This being the case, take along one whole loaf of bread in a carrier bag. When the ushers tell you that you are not allowed bags in with you, surprise them by taking out the loaf of bread, handing them the bag and walking passed them into the screen. Next time you go to that same cinema, take with you a carrier bag containing a box of cereal, carton of milk, a couple of breakfast bowls and some spoons. At the end of the film insist on waiting until all the credits have finished before leaving, and then cackle hysterically at the ‘funny bit’ at the end – even if there isn’t one. Some ushers will be patient with you, others may not be. Either way they will all think you are crazy, just like me.
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