Have you ever thought to yourself
"God, I'm so boring! I wish I was a bit more of a demented maniac, or something – just to spice things up a bit, yeah!”
…I haven’t.
People who know me and my friends have been known to describe us as ‘a little eccentric’, ‘a bit mad’, ‘a few sandwiches short of a picnic’. But recently I have had a revelation about this: Those people were simply being polite. In fact, they were all lying! We are not eccentric or lacking in sandwiches – we are just completely insane! Why did no-one tell us this before? Were they scared? Maybe they were...
Using examples strictly based on my own experiences since I was about 23, when I met my fellow loonies, I have compiled instructions in how one may become as familiar with the Craziness as we are.I will add to my list whenever I think no-one is watching…
Crazy Things to do if you’re Bored and/or Crazy.
Find a number you like (preferably 47) and become obsessed with it. Don’t worry; I’ve listed some interesting examples of ‘obsessive behaviour’ to start you off: Buy all the t-shirts and items of clothing you can with that number on it, or, if that fails, go to a t-shirt printers and get some made. If you prefer, there is always the option of buying an age badge of your number from any good card/gift shop. If they have sold out of your number, make your badge out of paper plates and cocktail sticks. Every time you spot your number (whether on your own or in public) point to it and scream
“Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” as loud as you can.
When you go out nightclubbing, steal a girl friend’s eyeliner pencil and draw that number on your forehead. (Don’t use your own pencil, if you have one – such extensive use will shorten the life of you eye-liner for sure.) People may stare at you – don’t be alarmed if this happens. They are simply amazed by how cool you look. Get the DJs of any pubs you visit (don’t bother with club DJs – they won’t take you seriously) to announce your preferred number over the PA system as often as you can. Don’t be disheartened if continuous harassment of the DJ gets you thrown out of your local – remember the power of your number, and have faith that the pub landlord will come round eventually.
Make an occasion of Halloween. Get a pumpkin, carve out the shape of your sacred number, and take it with you when you go out. Remember, you can’t throw away the carved out pumpkin number! Best keep it in your freezer for all eternity so it’s always there to protect you from evil.
Sometimes a nonsensical word, for instance ‘Toyspens’, can be used in conjunction with your chosen number for added effect. However, be very careful when deciding on your word or you may end up accidentally summoning the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse again.
If someone asks you “Why??” laugh hysterically and then ignore them for a few days.
They’ll soon realise their mistake.
-