Cars are a good method of travel during insanity trips – pedestrians will not be able to follow you to carry out any retribution they may feel is necessary.
Remember, though, it does not pay to commit ‘reportable incidents’. Apparently, some people are able to read car license plates!
Here are some suggestions for vehicle fuelled madness:
First take a tip from those boy racers – driving round and round and round the busiest parts of town with all your windows open, and your music blaring as loud as you can get it is really cool. Good listening material consists of, for example: Big Yellow Taxi, The Little Mermaid Soundtrack; The Sci Fi Album (Make special use of the Dr Who Theme, Ghostbusters Theme, and all the Star Trek Themes) and Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’. With ‘Thriller’ it is important to cackle loudly along with the insane laugh at the end of the song.
Try incorporating the use of the Vulcan ‘Live Long and Prosper’ hand sign, whilst shouting “Spread the Love!!” at people as you drive past them. (Don’t stick your hand too far out of the car though. One-Handed Jim isn’t called that for nothing, you know!)
Buy a One Million Candle power torch (or stronger, if you can find it), and keep it in your car at all times. At night it will be your secret weapon (although you will need passengers for this – never shine and drive at the same time):
Shine your torch out of the sunroof. Whilst in motion your vehicle will appear to be being followed by a mystical beam of light from the night sky! Add to the effect by occasionally looking upwards with a horrified expression on your face.
As you pass pedestrians, shine the torch directly at them, but only briefly. Watch as they look at themselves in amazement as they glow! Prolonged shining will cause them to spot where the beam is originating from – watch their expression as they realise they are not being abducted by aliens, or being selected by God for some higher purpose, after-all!
(Please note: miss-aimed torch shining will merely blind your victims, and is not as much fun. If this happens, remedy the situation by shouting “I’m Randomising you!!” at them as you pass.)
Directing the torch at house windows, to cause the residents to look outside to see what the hell is going on is considered cruel. Those people might have been asleep! And what if they’re elderly? Do you want them to have a heart attack and die? Shame on you!! (The elderly should be excluded from all insanity trips for just this reason!)
For safety reasons, I do not condone the aiming of torches at other car drivers.
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