Microwave Pizzas

The gray, silvery, waxy shitty thing that my microwave pizza sat on today, sucks. It's a lie. "They" tell us that it will make our food crispy when we microwave food on it. You know what I'm talking about. You're supposed to put your pizza or your hot pocket or whatever on it and it's supposed to make your food as crispy as if you baked it. You don't bake it because you don't have 30 min to wait to stuff your face because you are a lazy fuck or a fat fuck (I hope I am the former but soon, after eating all these microwave pizzas, I will become the latter) and you want your food NOW!!!!! So you nuke it in the microwave instead. Yeah!!!! It doesn't work. It never works. It's not a crispy-maker, it's a sadness-maker. It raises your hopes only to dash them. It's like the dead beat dad that never went to your football games. It's like the loser girlfriend who never gives it up after the first date because she's been beaten or abused by her uncle who now plays a little guitar all day in a mental assylum and drinks his own urine. It's like the presidential election, her in Portugal, where you vote hoping that every fucker will lose and maybe we´ll just make it on our own. It sucks. The pizza comes out just as soggy except this time, it comes with the added suspicion that you have just increased your chances for getting cancer because you napalmed it on the gray silvery thing. It's bullshit!! In fact, I don't even know what it's made of but I hate it. If ever an inanimate object could mock someone, it would be this thing. I hate you, you gray, silvery-coloured, waxy, sorta-shiny-yet-dull, plastic, paper thingy that comes with my microwave pizza. I HATE YOU!!!!!