I watched a film last night, which at first I thought might be promising. The film was called "Death Train" or the "Train of Death" or something along those lines... Anyway ten minutes into the movie I already had doubts that it would turn out to be any good. Firstly the train was full of monks and nuns on their way to a pilgrimage to Loures. "Hold on a minute?" I thought out loud. "This is going to be shite!"
Well I wasn´t disapointed, the train had been taken over by a band of terrorists, from South Africa I think, who had escaped with a highly toxic and deadly virus.
"Ok, so I´ll give this a chance, maybe they´ll be a massive virus charged death train full of brain hungry zombies dressed as monks who will rampage across the French countryside." Nah!!! The international anti terrorist police made a couple of apearences to try and save the day but did fuck all except get themselves killed and their helicopters shot down by stinger missiles. So it was left to two monks, whom I forgot to mention were part of Secret Papacy Organisation, called the Pugnus Dei. "Pugnus Dei?" I said trying to recollect my latin. "Fists of God???????????????? This is definitely going to be shite!"
These two dipshits, one of them a former U.N. soldier that fought in Bosnia (as you would expect!) battled their way to save the day by giving everyone an antidote to the deadly virus, through the miracle of the bread of Christ! That´s right, that white round disk thingy you eat at church.
In the end of the day the main monk was a martial arts expert who killed three of the terrorists and then worked his way to the leader and rammed the train against his escaping helicopter. (Told you it was shite!) Honestly, who comes up with these lame stories? Producers and directors have seriously got to be desperate to even consider making a film like this. I mean I thought that "Plan Nine from Outer Space" was considered to be the worst film ever made, critics should keep their eyes open for this beauty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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