Yeah that's right. This is a very long stupid fucking rant that we all hate so much. I'm not asking you to read it but you can if you'd like. This is more about venting than anything else. Whether you want to read it or not, just please don't ever get work for a British Financial Services company I worked for because they'll fuck you over. Anyway, on with my rant.
Dear PP,
Fuck you, you stupid, cocksucking, backstabbing, piece of shit company!
At first things were cool between us. I had work for maybe a year or so and boy did we have some good times within that year. Remember when my pc just wouldnt work and you gave me a new one and still it seemed slower than hell and then you bollocked me for not working fast enough??? DO you remember??? That was one of my fondest memories of the time we spent together. Remember how funny it was when I got pissed off and threw my keyboard across the office and all the keys flew out so that putting them back together in the right places was vertually impossible?? Yep, that's how I found out you guys fucked me over. We had such a good laugh about that one! What about the time you forced me to do those endless boring non sensicle company courses run by people who couldn't speak English properly in the first place, only to leave me totally baffled and confused by the whole course and wondering where I would start to translate your endless crap, because your company wont employ English natural ex-pats but Portuguese dickwads that think they know English only to make up their own words!!! Remember?? hahahaha I still laugh about that now. Or the time you "accidentally" erased all my information on my pc that was vital to the company like the endless drearly stats I had to complete every bloody day? Remember that one?
What about when you switched the company phones and non of them worked properly for about a week? And every time I called out to clients I was put through to some non understanding Portuguese person that spoke to me in their language that reminds me of Klingon... Though you and I both know I may live in Portugal but I'm clearly a white boy who can barely order food at a Mexican restaurant let alone understand whatever the hell they were saying? Yeah that was a good one. Everyone who called my phone either hung up without leaving a message or started their message with "Uhh, I don't know if this is you or not, because your speaking to me in a different language but hey .... blah blah blah..." Then when I called to switch it back, I wasn't able to because you answered with a Portuguese automated system. Haha, I think I was stuck with Portuguese for a week!
You always were such a prankster.
We had such a good relationship so I don't know why you're pulling this latest stunt. Perhaps it's because you're mad that I refused to go to another Pirate day Training to learn how to walk on a wooden leg and wear an eye patch whilst trying to build my own Pirates hat? Team building I think you called it? Bollocks I think I called it... Maybe it's just another one of your pranks? Maybe you miss me and just want to me to leave by giving some bullshit that my contract is over and that you cant ship me to another department because their are no vacancies only for me to find out a week after I left that your recruiting... HAHAHAHHAHAHA thats great! every time I'm forced to to talk about your company to the Union and the Workers Right Government Department it just makes me laugh out loud!!!! I don't know but I've tried to be reasonable about this.
I left the company a month before i was due because you kindly offered me full pay but that little prank of getting me out of the building and recruiting straight away after all the bullshit you gave me about we have no spaces is the best ever. You must've known I I'd just walk away quietly with not a care in the world not a care that I have a new born daughter and a nagging wife. Not a care indeed!!!!!!! Now every time I get a letter from the Union or the Worker Rights I just smile and think of all the good times. So its not the companies fault... Someone, and I know who you are; Hates me... Fine I did all I had to do and told to do and that still wasn't good enough eh? You actually wanted me to brown my nose and shove it so far up your big fat humongous eclipse of an arse, that I could see through your eyeballs uh?? Is that what you wanted me to do?? Well... It's not gonna happen girlfriend!!
Not only did I get a letter from the Union, I also got a call from a very nice lady from your company saying that basically my life is gonna get fucked up if I continue sending you emails. Hmpff yeah thats gonna happen!!! because of this and I basically have to go further and it will get worse. I gave you a call and of course we did our little dance that we always do where they tell me to call you and then you tell me to call them. This usually goes back and forth for a bit but this time I didn't feel like dancing. Now no one will answer my calls no one will respond to my emails. Ooooohhh you so funny. You comedian yes???
What. The. Fuck?
I'm sorry PP but this is complete bullshit. I have been cool and calm about all the shit you've pulled in the past few weeks and now I'm fed up. After all, a bloke can only take so much until he explodes. Why the hell didn't you tell me this shit in the first place? That my contract was over. good bye. ended! NO! you had to fuck me over and shut me up! Well its not gonna happen.
Yes, I'm being stupid and stubborn about this but I don't care. You've already fucked up my life so it doesn't really matter if I fuck your company over or not. It's not even about the money. It's about the point of the whole thing. I'm sick of you bullying people. Your cock sucking ways and your arse licking nature. Oh and your recruitment is bullshit. Only contracting gays on the other departments??? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT!!!! Thats bullshit. And I refuse to get bullied. You can kiss my ass and then go fuck yourself, you bastards.
Sincerely,
Pariah
P.S. -2 Die Asshole
P.P.S. Faggots!!
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